My friends, they love my intelligence
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
