i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
