I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
