Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
