used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
