I'm lost and stupid without you.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
