Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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