1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
