Swine flu. Run for my life!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize