my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
