I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
