"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
