His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
