I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
