BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
