Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
