I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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