You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
