My hand turned me down
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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