New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
