This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Alive.
So much puke
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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