I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
