I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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