Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
