i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
