addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She even gives head with a lisp.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
