I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
