I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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