please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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