dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
