My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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