I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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