Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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