I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
