I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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