I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
