The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
