I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
