I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do vagina's smell?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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