He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize