i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize