There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize