Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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