I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
PANTIES FOUND
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
