I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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