the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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