i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
