Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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