I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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