Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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