Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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