she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
