I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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