We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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