he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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