Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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