I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
