eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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