Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
