I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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