You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You ate ashes out of my bong
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
