So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
