you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
