my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
