I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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