I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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