If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
