She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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