I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
