The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we made out on top of his cat.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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