SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i believe in u and ur pee
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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