Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
