The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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