who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
