I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize