Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
