ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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