So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
