it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
