Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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