Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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