in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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