How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Panties = found
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
