Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
