Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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