You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
