i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
