Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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