he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I want is dick and wine.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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