so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
