Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
