In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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