My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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