she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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