I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
